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English Jokes of the Month: August

Just One Copy
www.teacherjoe.us
A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, " this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder. "I just need one copy."

Gray Hairs
www.teacherjoe.us
One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Mom, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"
From Learn English with Teacher Joe
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Carol: How did I get here, Mommy?

Mommy: God sent you, dear.

Carol: And did God sent you, too, Mommy?

Mommy: Yes, dear.

Carol: And grandma and great-grandma, too?

Mommy: Yes, dear.

Carol: Then, you mean to tell me, Mommy, that there have been no sexual relations in this family for over 100 years?

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¡¡¡¡¡¡£²¡¡Copy¡Ê¼Ì¤·¤Æ¡Ë¤Ê¤¤¤Î¤Ë¥«¥ó¥Ë¥ó¥°¡©

Teacher: Mark, you copied from Tom¡Çs paper, didn¡Çt you?

Mark: How did you find out?

Teacher: Tom¡Çs paper says, ¡ÈI don¡Çt know,¡É and yours says, ¡ÈNeither do I.¡É

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¡ÚÀè·î¤ÎÅú¤¨¹ç¤ï¤»¡Û¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡Chemistry Class
One day, the chemistry teacher asked his students, "What is the chemical formula for water?" Silly Suzie immediately raised her hand. "Yes, Suzie, what's the answer?", the teacher asked. Suzie answered proudly, "The chemical formula for water is 'H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O'!" Her teacher looked perplexed. He asked, "What are you talking about?" Suzie replied, "Yesterday you said the formula for water is H to O!"

Improve Your Memory!
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it has made a big difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of that clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" Then he turned to his wife and asked, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

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